I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
