brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She's the barista slut.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
