I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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