"it" just moved
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
