there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
