seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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