i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
the day after is always just damage control
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
