I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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