i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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