I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
