I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
