i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
