I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
