Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
