it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
