I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
