My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I need water and some morals
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
