she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
