I skipped work to stalk him.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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