Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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