I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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