Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
