Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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