okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
