i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
