So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How does it feel to date your dad?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize