Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
That reminds me...we need to get swords
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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