it wasn't lemon gatorade
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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