There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
