You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
