ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
