i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
