toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i can run in heels then i can drive
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
