Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
