what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
