halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
