She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
