The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My balls are so social today.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
