i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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