nut hugger
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
