why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
