I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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