ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
