I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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