I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
