No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
