so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
