Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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