a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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