whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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