WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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