my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
