i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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