I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
