made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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