Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
