Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
this hospital has no fireball
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
