Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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