Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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