I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
