i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
