we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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