do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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