But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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