When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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