Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
