I looked at my own cervix.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'd cum for enchiladas.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
